Winter Blues

Over two years ago: our paper work for adoption begins
Love stories sprinkled onto paper, each one familiar
Dates timelines lifetimes
Of childhood influence
And adult perceptions

Sometimes squinting – looking into space and time
We notarized our hearts, to officialise who we are
Whole punched and translated our dreams
And couriered them across the seas

Furnished a trailer with bunks
And child sized bright blankets
Green polka dots and flannel tie dye
Pasted growth charts on doorways
And waited…months

The days pass hopeful
Wonder full work full life full
Except for the wait
That becomes longer
And less certain
Day by day

And we are, again
Winter well on its way

There is no known reason at this point
For this empty wait
Black chalk table writes “come home babies”
With pastel pink blue hearts of faith
Alongside empty coloured chairs
Primary coloured seats ready for play dates

No logical answers
At this point,
we are not even sure of the questions
To ask or to who
Sometimes squinting through
Can we notarize these winters and send those, too?

The gist of it...

For the family and friends who don't want the poetry, who just want to know what is actually happening:

Basically we were given approval, a month ago, from the government Ministry in Rwanda to adopt. The catch: we have 6 months for a referral before our file will close.

We are one month down.

Through other family blogs we are given a few concrete tidbits: referrals are happening, sporadically. Families travel within days or weeks and meet the children within a week of landing.

And the one truth that we know is that each adoptive process is unique.

So at this point we hold onto our faith that this will happen, and wait out our time hoping it actually does. It has been a long two years. Our hope and prayer is that within 5 months we have a referral and we are buying a plane ticket to Rwanda to meet our children.

Approval! One Step Forward

Little babies we wait for you
Today a little more content than yesterday
As our approval is signed and we have something to hold on to
Delicately
We move forward

And hold onto a faith that sparkles like
Newborn webs in the light morning sun
A vermillion spider weaves thousands of intricacies
And golden threads wobble perfectly
Floating firmly in the air

Like air itself, sparkling and catching oxygen
and colour and shape and spirit
Liquid pearls drip - magic
While tiny creatures persist
And life continues on
A sweet miracle moving
Delicately

Moon Tides

It’s true
Pecking at the black boxes on the key pad, daily
Each time, fingers move to passwords like lifelong friendships
A quick cradle and goodbye
As the mail is opened up, but empty
I shake my head at friendships that last
Sturdy and reliable, weathered and tested

We have passed the one year mark
One year DTR – Dossier to Rwanda
Poetry has passed time, documented mood swings
Like lights and darks and inks and blobs
And seasonal markers shift, again and again

The waiting has been long
The dream full brimming over
Hearts full and full of hope still
Unsure of where it all comes from
The faith, the dream, the hope

But I know we have chosen this path
With intention
With love
And with our hands held tightly together, swinging
Down our future, bright

While we may not know with certainty
Where this journey will end
We continue forward
Enjoy full wide summer days
Blue skies
Red lilies
Whites of eyes

And wait as our panorama unfolds, moon tides

Clothesline, Cool days

Like the robins in my yard
Louder than flash lightening
I too like strips of coloured string
Simple crayon colours: Nesting
I like to add little highlights
Knot up some yolk-yellows
And tie in some bulb-blues
Just making my home
Feel that little sweet-bit new

Because waiting for something
A dream pinned to a summer day’s clothesline
Drying too slowly - trapped too long
I can touch that fabric
See the sharp hues
It’s not right and it’s also not wrong
I watch sun shine brightly on it
But it is damp and drying slow
And the day passes
And the rest I don’t know

I look toward my garden
And the long weekend of May
Unplanted beds
Tended and ready
And once again I resist a plan
Resist those tiny seeds
Because maybe just maybe
We won’t be here to weed

But the robins comfort differently
They say nest gently – in your own way
Tie with strong, bright strings
Let each fly proudly, even wildly
Plant your garden
And let time pass as it may

still waiting, still optimistic...

It has been 9 months since our Dossier arrived to the Ministry in Rwanda that processes adoptive families (Ministry of Gender and Families). Each month that has passed has been a journey forward into a process with very little information, very little updates, and very little accurate hints of what will happen next. Life outside this adoption has been full, but the adoption is a constant little dream that sits inside everything else we do.

During these last couple months several international adoptive families have had news of their approval from the Ministry, and then have, within a few months, received their referral for their child/children. After the referral it is about 3-5 weeks before travel. It has been humbling listening to all of these online stories of this life changing experience, knowing that one day, it will be us buying those plane tickets, walking up to the blue gates of the Home of Hope Orphanage, and meeting our children for the first time.

At this point, we continue to wait with open hearts and optimism. Our lawyer has told us that we should be hearing any day, but we understand that there is so much to do on the Rwandan side that we can't make this go faster. We both know in our hearts that the right timing is the timing we have.

To all of our family and friends out there reading this, we really appreciate you staying in touch and hearing our story as it emerges.

One day this blog will be filled with a trip to Rwanda, a court case, a couple new passports, and family ready, willing and able. That will be a good day to share.

Interface

Like Alice in Wonderland
Playing life size checkers
Freakish greetings from Mad Hatters
We play music and write and paint
Playing away days of this waiting game
Like multicoloured jigsaw pieces
Floating in space

And we interface

Like ripples upon that skyline
We call dreams
Recall scenes of long ago thought up meanings
And time passes like true comedy
Like those Old Greek philosophers who would
Sit on goat ridden stone mountains
Create dialogue and hit-it-to-each-other
Building language and timeless traditions
Of the tongue
Shout out
Rung out

Where’s that marriage between
Those star crossed lovers
Because we took the stage
And played
But this game of anticipation doesn’t work that way

Like Alice in Wonderland
This is a new land
And the rules come in surprise
Twists of colour and shape
And the only thing to hold onto
Is knowing that it will never be the same

I have to say though
That this game is worth that wait
That in the end when it all aligns
And we hold our new fates
Two innocent faces - life long play mates

Staring at us

This game will fade
As Alice comes home
Through that rabbit hole
And two worlds hold stories built from
Imagination and reality

And our family is whole

What's Shaking

Many of you have asked quietly, ...where are things at?

We haven't really known much along the way, so there hasn't been much to post. We are in a long line of families, waiting...and that is a tough spot to be in, month after month.

We did hear back from our lawyer a few weeks ago who mentioned that the Ministry (the official ministry in Rwanda who processes dossiers) is continuing to move along.

In our minds, we are thinking that this summer may be realistic in terms of timing, but we are happy to optimistic and realistic at the same time.

In the mean time, we will keep writing poetry, keep dreaming big, and keep wondering what it will be like to have our babies home. All of those are sweet thoughts that keep us full as we wait.

Please feel free to ask us though...we are happy to share what is happening, as we know it...

Sunday

Hanging Sweetly Off A Crescent Moon
Is Hope

Forms like
A precise expression
Flowing into a refined stretch
And down into my breath
I know

The moon looks down on all of us
And secrets yet told
Hang sweetly

Hope is an accompaniment

Like a ruffle off the edge of a stilled pirouette
Surreal choreography decorates
First a sandy beach and then
A globe - silvery silk sides
Soft flowing fabric shapes oceans
Salty water dancing delicately through tender tree leaves
As waves ebb and grow
Light lifting off into whimsical rhyme
Spinning toes upright
Tapping against snow crests
And down into the depths of the Pacific
Light splattering against pavement
Just outside my house
While we lay sleeping